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New Year’s Joyless Reminder Of Husband’s Death

Dear Divine Diva:
My husband had a stroke the morning of New Year’s Eve last year. He died on New Year’s Day. This year has been hard for me. With the help of my strong faith and my family, I have been coping.

I am having an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness about the upcoming New Year’s events. I don’t want to go to any gatherings. (We usually stayed home.) I feel like going away, but where could I go without a lot of party stuff going on?
Should I just stay home and deal with the reminder of the events of his stroke happening here at home? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be with anyone, but I don’t want to sit around bawling my eyes out reliving the whole nightmare, either. I’m confused and don’t think I am thinking clearly.

I am not in some deep depression. I have accepted my husband’s death, although I miss him dearly. I just feel nervous and anxious, and I don’t feel like celebrating. Please help me figure this out. -Holiday Blues, Brooklyn New York

Dear Holiday Blues:
Please know that all the feelings you are experiencing are absolutely normal. It is entirely possible that from now on you will associate New Year’s with your husband’s death. No law says that you must celebrate this holiday. If you would prefer not to be home at this time, consider checking into a hotel and asking a close friend or family member to join you or consider going to church so many people brings in the new year at a local church.
Hopefully, as time goes by your anxiety will lessen. However, if that doesn’t happen, then counseling can help you.
-Always Divine Diva

Grieving 15 years old

Dear Divine Diva:
I’m 15 years old and have a problem. My mom’s stepdad just passed away. My problem is I’m not sad. I mean, I knew him well enough — but I’m not SAD. My mom cried, but I didn’t. Is there something wrong with me? -Jessica in Pleasantville New York,

Dear Jessica:
There is nothing wrong with you. Every person grieves in his or her own way. It’s possible that your mother’s stepdad occupied a larger place in her life than he did in yours. Therefore, the empty space his passing has left is greater for her than for you. You’re normal, so stop worrying.
-Always Divine Diva

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How to Know if a Guy Likes You
• Examine his body language. If he likes you, you may see that he rarely turns his back to you, often leans towards you, and also looks at you a lot. If he slouches his shoulders when near you, he’s romantic and cares about what you have to say. If he points his shoulders and pelvis towards you while sitting, he is definitely feeling something for you.

• Notice his eye contact. If he likes you, he may either look away quickly if he is shy, or he’ll try to catch your eye and hold it or make faces. This can be uncomfortable if you don’t like him. If you feel like you have held eye contact just a fraction of a second longer than you would with anyone else, or if he looks away quickly, then there is something there. When he’s around you and he says/does something funny and everyone around laughs, his eyes will flicker towards you for a second to see if you laughed, too.

• Listen to what he’s saying. If he likes you, and he’s nervous, he’ll probably start talking about himself. Many times, guys feel the need to prove themselves- especially if you talk about another guy in his company.

• Be aware of touching. He might put his hand on your arm when he laughs, and won’t move his leg if it happens to touch yours, or he may hug you for small things – all are good signs of a guy liking you, unless he’s a bit of a “playboy” who flirts with a lot of girls. See if he uses any of the tricks in How to Touch a Girl, and see if he uses them more with you than with anyone else.

• Watch his actions around other girls and see if he treats you differently. Some guys flirt with other girls to get your attention. It gives them a chance to see your reaction, and helps them know if you really do like them or not. You can tell that they are trying to make you jealous if they find little times when they’re flirting with the other girl to look at you. His eyes will flick over and look at you. Another sign is that when you leave, he stops flirting with the other girl. That will be a harder one to pick up on, but you can have a friend look for you or something like that.

• Watch for him showing interest in things you like and do. For example, if you like a certain genre of music that he likes as well, he may suggest bands or artists for you to listen to. Another example, if you play sports he may ask to play against you just to show off that he’s good at something you both like and then also have a reason to give you compliments as well.

• Check for signs of nervousness Nervous laughter, sweaty palms, deep breaths, fidgeting, looking away quickly when you notice if he is watching you are all good signs of an attraction towards you and that he is nervous about making an impression on someone he fancies.

• Pay attention to his friends. If they know he’s interested in you, they might tease him subtly when you’re around, hint to you that he likes you, or even try to find out if you like him. Study their reactions to your presence – do they smile? Do they turn to him? Do they smirk in a way that suggests they know something that you don’t?

• Don’t ignore him If he shows genuine interest in you, (i.e. smiles at you a lot in the hallway, work, etc., at least go out for a walk.)

• Look to see if he imitates you. If he mimics you, he probably likes you, such as, if you move to another table, he’ll go with you.(I’ve had a guy who liked me mimic me before, so I know this is one thing)

• Teasing If a guy teases you a lot, it might mean he likes you, but if he doesn’t tease any other girl, he probably does like you.

• Hitting A guy may hit you but it’s just flirting he probably just wants to see your smile i have had a few guys that will hit me that like me. You may find it annoying if you’re not into him, but otherwise if you hit back then that’s a way then he can know that you like him back!

• Compliments If you do your hair or makeup differently one day, and the guy notices, that’s a very good sign that he likes you. Most guys won’t notice, and if they do, they won’t say anything unless they’re into you. Anything like, “You look nice today,” “I like that shirt,” or even “Did you do your hair differently today? It looks nice,” are all indicators that he could be interested in you.

NOTE: If he’s a good friend of yours, these won’t necessarily be indicators of romantic interest. It could just be him being a good friend.